Bittersweet
by flowerchild3286
Summary: It was one of the happiest days of her life, and also one of the saddest. Tag to Amor Fati.


Disclaimer: I don't own MIOBI. If I did Season 3 would have been vastly different.

A/N: Not my best work, but at least it got me writing. Working on chapter 12 of MKB right now.

* * *

"Knock, knock," Kim said softly, sticking her head around the door. It was early in the morning and she didn't want to wake anyone if Payson, Sasha, or the new baby were still asleep. She should have waited a few more hours before she came to the hospital, but it was hard for her not to be there. She stayed with Payson in the hospital after both Alex and Lottie were born. Lilah was the first grandchild that Kim wasn't with for her first night.

Payson wasn't asleep, and Sasha wasn't anywhere around. Where there should have been a happy, peaceful family, instead sat a crying young woman holding a baby. Judging by Payson's red eyes, she'd been crying for a long time.

Kim hurried to the chair where her daughter was sitting. "Payson what's wrong?"

"We got Lilah's blood results back."

The implications of Payson's statement filled the room like a scream. There was only one thing that could be in Lilah's blood tests that would make her react like this: the same red blood cell abnormality that had nearly killed Payson.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry."

Payson hiccupped softly as she tried, unsuccessfully, to reign in her tears. "I'm being ridiculous," she said. "I knew it was a possibility, it's just… I expected it for Alex and Lottie. I was prepared. But they were both fine, so it never occurred to me that Lilah wouldn't be."

"She is fine, Pay. Just because she has the condition doesn't mean that anything is going to happen from it. You didn't have any trouble for eighteen years, and you've been healthy most of the time since then." Inside, Kim wanted to cry, too, but Payson needed to hear hope right now.

"I've been healthy _most_ of the time, but this thing has almost killed me twice."

Kim tried not to think about those two horrible times in her life. She thought, during those first few weeks surrounding the London Olympics, that nothing could be more terrifying, but she was so very wrong. Payson had trouble with her blood off and on from that point forward, but it could always be fixed by a transfusion and a few shots of Aranesp—except one time, about a year before Rio. She had been ill so suddenly and so severely that the doctors almost couldn't save her. They thought she was going to die, to the point that Payson had lawyers in to fine tune her will and was talking to Austin about plans for Alex after she was gone. The doctors said that the chance of recovery was minimal, but Payson fought hard enough to prove them all wrong.

Payson had done a lot to make Kim angry during her life, but never more than she did in the year following that experience. She was livid when Payson decided to keep pursuing the Rio Olympics. Kim didn't want her to take that kind of risk, no matter how much the doctors assured her that gymnastics had nothing to do with Payson being sick. Everybody tried to make Kim see reason, but she didn't let go of that anger until the Olympics were long over.

Mark had been on Payson's side about Rio, but even he was angry when Payson and Sasha told them that they were expecting Lottie. He raved about how irresponsible it was to try to get pregnant when she had almost died less than a year before. Payson and Sasha listened to him yell for an hour before Payson finally said, "We are not going to live our lives in fear, dad. I won't let my illness dictate my life. We want children. Would it really matter if we had waited a year? There would still be all the same risks then as there are now, but this is worth the risk."

Payson was right, of course. She just needed to be reminded of it. "Do you remember what you said to your dad when you told us you were pregnant with Lottie? You said that you couldn't live your life in fear. That's still true. You can't worry about something that might never happen. If you do you'll miss out on all of the good stuff."

"I know," Payson said. "and I wouldn't change anything, but… I know this is stupid, but I can't help feeling like this is my fault. I gave her this disease. She's sick because of me."

"It's not your fault that she has this problem any more than it's your fault that _you_ have it. It's just the way things are. We don't even know what caused it in you, much less why it passed to Lilah but not Lottie or Alex. I'm just grateful that we know she has it, because now we can take precautions."

Payson didn't respond, and Kim didn't pressure her to. Instead she asked, "Where's Sasha?"

"He went to check on the kids," Payson answered. She wiped her eyes and tried to pull herself together. "I needed a little while to myself."

"I'm sorry I interrupted you," said Kim. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, stay. It's nice having you here. I missed you being here last night." Payson smiled up at her, making a visible effort to put her sadness behind her.

"I missed it, too. I'm glad I'm here now."

Kim reached her hand out to hold her daughter's and they sat together doing nothing but giving and taking comfort. Kim knew that across town, Austin would be sitting silently next to Sasha and giving him the same kind of comfort, because that was what their family did. They stood together through everything, good and bad. That was why Kim knew that, no matter how scared they might be now, everything would be okay.

* * *

A/N: I've mentioned before that I'm rather obsessed with Lilah. Some things pop into my head fully formed, and Lilah was one of them. I think I'll probably do some more stuff about her in the future, and I've actually got an adult Lilah story going already.


End file.
